| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 |
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Judgement day looms just over the horizon. The nightmares that had gone into remission in December awakened from their slumber, once again wreaking havoc on my subconscious mind. Dreams of getting horrible results for my SPM examination become increasingly intense with each day becoming more horrifying than the next. I've never seen myself so low on self esteem before and now waking up feels like it is one of the hardest things to do. Probably one of the most important people in my life is lost to me and I no longer recognise her for who she is anymore. Whether she has changed or whether she was simply showing a different side of herself I no longer know, for in this new world nothing is as it seems. Aye, it might just be my narrow-mindedness. Aye, it might be my failure to comprehend how the world truly works. Aye, it might be my adamance to let the world around me change. I am now only a blip on her radar, the insignifican't piece of a puzzle that just wouln't fit into the picture, I lie supine at the nadir of the cliff, battered, bloody and broken. Every time I see her I sense a change, her essence twisted and contorted into something completely different from who she once was. Why does this happen? I curse at her peers for turning her, yet she revels in their company, content being with people who would not give her a second look if she did not look the way she did. A childhood fantasy becoming a reality perhaps? I would like to believe that indeed. I insouciantly go about my business but my efforts are in vain. I cannot help but think of her during the most inopportune times. How I wish I could mollify these feelings, to learn not to care, to be an automaton - emotionless and dead. But in all this confusion, college life has given me a means of tuning out these discrepancies within myself. Through homework, quizzes and spending time with my friends it is then that the silver lining becomes apparent. They help me forget the myriad of disappointments that come my way, and once again I can hear myself laugh without me crying inside. I would like to see this as a step forward for me, a guiding light, yes, a guiding light towards the eventual illumination of a miserable soul. |
| Jin Han 5:33 PM |
| profile |
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Jin loves brownies, cookies and cake. Jin has never been anywhere further than Australia. Jin could never stop being a sadistic, sarcastic meanie. Jin is also the opposite of everything said one line up when the need arises. Jin would rather have a desktop rather than a laptop. Jin has an obsessive, compulsive need to ramble, blabber and regurgitate all manner of nonsense. Jin hates being ignored by the people he loves. Jin hates being alone most of the time. Jin hates reflecting about his actions. It's taxing. Jin has a habit of thinking too much. Jin often doesn't see the glass as half-empty or half-full.He just sees the glass. To some, Jin is weird; to others, Jin is even weirder. Jin wants nothing more than to be happy. Rich would be a big plus though. Jin is pretty tired of referring himself in the third person's perspective. |
| dislikes |
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Being apart from my sayang. Seeing animals get tortured. Seeing people get hurt. Losing what's important to me. Sluggish internet connections. Bittergourds and zombies. |
| Links |
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Caleb Chongshen Darell Jac Kee Kathleen/Kelvin Krystle Li En Li Ying Mei Xin Nico Pin Pin Shu Ling Sze May Yan Chyi Zcui |
| Credits |
| This layout was originally created by undyinglove-haha, later modified by Yours Truly. Other credits go to X X and X Works best on   |