Thursday, September 29, 2005

went to english tuition today on got commended on my essays (again) hehe..just wanted to share this with the world!but going to have another 3 sets of this...bah..oh well... woot!!a1 all the way baby! yet another one the same day!on a roll!

Jin Han 9:55 PM

was planning to skip school today when i suddenly realised that i had to pass the entry form and registration fees to nico for the kasturi seminar...damn errands...played basketball today for pjk but in the process i got my pinky and face hit by that fucking ball when i tried to intercept it.now my spectacles are a bit bent and my finger's basically swollen the size of a cashew nut.oh yeah,and did i mention that i could not do too much weights because of the diminished support?damn you basketball! my pinky finger after several attempts at reducing the swelling the rest of the day seemed perfunctory enough-rest a bit,go for add maths tuition,rush straight to gym,come back and chat a little with parents,and come back into the aegis of the computer and its library of great tunes.the hours continue to pass me by without looking back,yet i cannot help but stand around motionless,waiting for the ravages of time to set in.once again i am beset by what i am faced with-a tired soul obviously feeling the lassitude of peer pressure,unable to attain a certain amount of languor.pah...how sad the life of a student is.

Jin Han 12:03 AM

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

okay you are either going to love this album or hate it...it's an acquired taste you know? the corrs..pleasant and a very good choice for easy listening michael buble's latest album...i believe he has a charm no other artist can match.

Jin Han 9:41 PM

Monday, September 26, 2005

just downloaded michael buble and loving his music..has that snazzy jazz tune to it yet retains a certain charm that reaches into your soul with catchy lyrics.honestly i did not imagine having a predilection for his music at all.it used to give me an impression that he catered more to an older generation,or maybe it is i who is drifting further and further away from modern society.hmmm...nah..most probably the former. once again i find myself channeling the latent energies embeded deep in my psyche and turning it into sheer bouts of anxiety.the month of october will prove to be one of the most taxing for the most part but i think will prove rewarding in the months to come. on another note,i hate repeating myself a lot sometimes.it's like.."what time are you coming home from school tomorrow?" and i say "two pm".then someone else goes and asks the same question a few seconds after i answer the one before,which infuriatingly is the exact answer i give again.man i have heard of the phrase "hard of hearing" but this is just too much!sometimes i just feel like slapping people around because of that.although it is pointless to be frustrated over such trivial things but who can blame me?cut me some slack already!

Jin Han 9:34 PM

Sunday, September 25, 2005

my new keyboard a view of ma new phone ngeehahahahaha!!

Jin Han 9:51 PM

once again it is time to start studying again.the real exam is little more than a month away and i am still worlds away from being truly prepared...panic mode has been initiated while worry and stress become the more defining traits of my psyche.today should be the last day i slack off and tomorrow...well...tomorrow's going to be a whole new day...damn...

Jin Han 7:12 PM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

there is only one word to describe how i feel...TIRED honestly i have never been this exhausted since...well...ever...O.o...Planning to sleep a lot more now because well,i need to revitalise myself for spm or basically i am screwed.oh,and did i mention that i am getting rather sickly?the sniffles that fade in and out of my nostrils teng to get annoying most of the time but hey,comes with the territory right?high school is undoubtedly one of the silliest years of my life.character altering(whether degrading or rebuilding) experiences?sure.Life changing lessons?yeah,definitely.good times and horrible disasters?oh hell yeah!but overall score of high school life?i would give it a 5 or a 6 out of 10.too many friends come and go,each becoming a member of their own caste,each parting through separate paths.quite a lot of the people i knew in primary school pretty much went their own ways.well,either that or i have pushed myself away from them.surprising how you end up a little screwed up this early in life.what the hell anyway... i have come to the realisation that i am socially inept.i have the social abilities of a ham sandwich,which basically means i have none whatsoever.my sister said that the people who miss high school after they leave are the ones who have really good friends who were inseparable at one point in their lives.i would gladly vouch for her on that because it is bloody true.i do not have a lot of close friends in high school,therefore my desire to return there seems...non-existent?all i can reflect from my 5 years of high school is a lot of childish endeavours coupled with ridiculous wants and self-centredness.way to go high school! God i hope college gets better than this...

Jin Han 11:41 PM

Sunday, September 18, 2005

the sides...real cool looking new specs..whaddya think? cute this kitty cat is

Jin Han 10:21 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

exams are finally coming to a close and i can breathe a little easier for at least another week because starting october it is officially time to push for spm.Time is really going into hyperdrive because the days are going by so quickly one cannot even stop to think.First things first though,it is time to celebrate with krystle and gang because we got shortlisted!!we had to prolong our desires to go out and watch a movie for a week on account of the exams(damn those schedules).i have not been out with friends since god knows how long and i am just dying to catch up with me old buddies whom i have been out of contact with for months on end. tomorrow i am going to klcc's Kinokuniya Bookstore to hunt for four books: a. Blinding Absence Of Light by Tahar ben Jelloun b. Jonathan Strange And Mr. Norrell by Sussanna Clarke c. On Beauty by Zadie Smith and d. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro all four of the books above have good recommendations and will definitely be a good read. also i resumed playing Doom 3 this afternoon after a long time in inactivity and scared myself half to death.damn you flesh eating zombies!!honestly their moaning gets more annoying and these intermediary jolts and scares really make you jump out of your seat.once i was using the flashlight to illuminate a room which had it's light conveniently shut off and a zombie appeared out of nowhere.i got so freaked i started clicking away and i did not realise that in my hand was.....the flashlight,which barely made a dent on it.what a way to exercise my reflexes(or lack of them).

Jin Han 5:41 PM

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Staring into space whilst listening to some tunes seems to be turning into a shibboleth for me...The more I observe people the more i come to realise what they actually are and how they feel about me.Of course I would definitely want to act as if I never knew about it and go my own humdrum way through life but it just comes back biting me in the ass.The way people speak,how they choose their words,even down to how they phrase their sentences gives me implications of the insincerity that lay shrouded in their hearts.The worst of it is when you actually expected someone to be a better person than you imagined it all just crumbles into ruin.Common courtesy becomes a substitute for honest reproach,smiles become facades,sanctuaries that house awkwardness,embarrassment,disgust...the very words "haha" is only a hollow shell...people laugh when they do not feel the humour of a joke;they gaze attentively when deep in the bowels of their souls they are unamused,bored...This is what common courtesy requires one to do.It reflects respect,admiration and appreciation yet at the same time infuses lies and miconceptions with obligation.There can never be a perfect world where disappointment does not rear its ugly head.Can't live with it,can't live without it.

Jin Han 4:18 PM

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

what i am feeling at this very moment? tired,languid, and really really worn out honestly,today was actually the first time in my whole life when i was actually looking forward to get my driving license...apparently my ride left without me and i wasted 30 minutes waiting around for them to come back...i was not so much upset but rather helpless. having to wait and wait and wait seemed to have got me thinking. What am I to most people? Am I the person they go to for consolation and sympathy or do they simply revel in barraging me with jokes, extreme sarcasm and silly pranks? It goes both ways when it comes to the latter but you tend to lose yourself when it comes to other people's opinions of you. When it comes to iron clad friendships I just come up short in the end. Most of the folks I hang out with are always happy and cheerful, but deep down I do detect a completely different emotion altogether. Fact of the matter is we all put on happy faces to show the world that we are indeed imperturbable, yet it belies a whole reservoir of feelings. Envy, disappointment, misery, depression, hate... I do know that I have been harbouring some rather ill feelings towards the person/people who have given me much irritance and frustration. I feel like a harried old man, rife with the unconscionable hatred and malevolence accumulated over the years. Life it seems does not appear to be as pliable as i imagined it should be... And once again I find myself rambling into a labyrinth of emotions and chaotic thoughts. Better end this before I go on...

Jin Han 8:56 PM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

next goal..write a story that spans at least 10 pages...ngeeheeheehee...this twisted little mind of mine just won't stop thinking about the more gruesome and sordid side of the world...

Jin Han 6:28 PM

Monday, September 12, 2005

ngeeheeheeheehee my entry is now published online for the world to see..kekekekeke..please check it out and vote for me here p.s. just click on the word "here" yeah?hehe..

Jin Han 7:21 PM

well..now that chinese is over i won't have to take it forever!!!muahahahahahaha!!!well..tomorrowz time for add maths but i decided to resume gymming because well...i don't want to end up fat and let's face it...when you're 75 kilos it's quite difficult for others to convince you otherwise...today should be circuit training i gather so i will be panting and limping around languidly for the next few hours..and after that will be a 2 1/2 hour paper 2 add maths paper...i have to really time myself if i want to be able to ace this paper...mind's being drawing blanks lately...nothing seems to be worth bringing up nowadays...ptooi... oh yeah...last week both of my friends cut their hair like mine...now all three of us are almost devoid of hair on our scalps..it's just strange to see us with the same hairstyle...we are like...brothers...me being the oldest,jun keen being the middle and en hao the youngest...perfect!okay..maybe not perfect at all but i'll try to get a photo of the 3 of us...you will either be laughing your head off or swinging your head back and forth in disapproval...it's your choice XD i cannot wait to open that book!!!"The Purpose Driven Life" is what it's called and i am in desperate need for loving from my Creator...loads of questions...all of them rhetorical and unanswered...it's kind of awkward for me because people like esther can hold onto their beliefs and feel His presence all the time...i know of His presence...i don't feel it all the time...that's what's bugging me...if i can't feel Him...what's the point of knowing He exists?

Jin Han 2:12 PM

Sunday, September 11, 2005

argghh!!i hate readnig chinese..my interest in it keeps dropping every time i pick up a book to study it...it's quite a bummer though because i'm a chinese...yet i have no interest in my own mother tongue...that would make me a heretic wouldn't it?i mean come on...it probably shows that i'm not proud of my culture or birthright or something...then again people who say that have not taken a chinese exam before...hehe... just finished physics revision...well..i don't know what is possibly coming out at all but i just read everything anyway...i am not feeling confident about it at all because well...after the first week my self esteem literally plunged to a new level of disappointment...still trying to tell myself.."to hell with last week concentrate on this one!".and tomorrow is also the day that my entry for that mph thing comes out online!i'm still worried that it won't though...bah...it's probably pointless to think about these things but nvm forget about it... gotta go study some bc proverbs and stuff though..so will have more to say..i don't know..after next week? lol...

Jin Han 10:26 PM

Friday, September 09, 2005

first week of exams are over...another 8 days to go...oh well...it's not too long compared to damansara utama which has been having exams for five weeks straight because they were sitting for their gerak-gempur.amazing...to study for so long.man..it's just scary..then again that's what we'll have to expect from the real spm exam..oh well... anyway there's not much to blog about these days...everything's a monotonous flow of perfunctory events,namely eating,gymming,sleeping,studying...yeah that's about the schedule i have,or been having for the past few weeks...even then these 5 days seemed like months...i shudder at the thought of one month's worth of exams... on another note...i got an e-mail from pan global insurance regarding my entry for the mph search for yougn writers competition 2005...i got short-listed..i am soo happy that i was selected but well..i was required to send in a profile by yesterday but i only sent it in today so i'm worried that it will be dismissed...tomorrow i'm going to have to call a managing partner...and ironically i forgot my essay title..!!which is really embarassing...anyway...please vote for me at www.pgi.com.my on the 12th september onwards yeah?

Jin Han 9:49 PM

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Your Power Color Is Teal At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?" What's Your Power Color? got the site from yan chyi lol...was bored..

Jin Han 7:49 PM

check this out! traits according to blood type..=/ The Traits Type O – The Warrior # trendsetter # loyal # passionate # self-confident # independent # ambitious # vain # jealous Famous O’s # Queen Elizabeth II # John Lennon # Elvis Presley # Liam & Noel Gallagher # Paul Newman Type A – The Farmer # calm # patient # sensitive # responsible # overcautious # stubborn # unable to relax Famous A’s # Adolf Hitler # George Bush Senior # Soseki Natsume # Ringo Starr # Britney Spears Type B – The Hunter # individualist # dislike custom # strong # optimistic # creative # flexible # wild # unpredictable Famous B’s # Akira Kurosawa # Paul McCartney # Mia Farrow # Leonardo Di Caprio # Jack Nicholson Type AB – The Humanist # cool # controlled # rational # sociable # popular # critical # sometimes standoffish # indecisive Famous AB’s # Jackie Chan # Marilyn Monroe # John F Kennedy # Mick Jagger # Alain Prost

Jin Han 3:52 PM

ngeeheeheeheehee...keekeekeekeekee... i just failed chemistry...!!ngeeheeheeheehee....

Jin Han 3:40 PM

Sunday, September 04, 2005

this is me mph essay...found it lying around so thought..what the heck..might as well post it for the world to see...comments are welcome... 20th February 1942 (Wednesday) A man was shoved around into a room only illuminated by a dimming bulb, trembling and sobbing as he was laid supine on the stained marble floor. My superiors ambled into the room with a hose in hand, emitting a constant barrage of vituperation about the Chinese and how they were weak and unworthy of life. They were on their knees, whispering some gibberish into his ears whilst they toyed with him, prodding him with their swords. “It is time!” one shouted. The hose was forced into the man’s throat whilst the guard nearest to the adjacent wall turned on the tap, beginning what was said to be purgatory for those who were subjected to such forms of torture. Water drenched the man’s lungs and stomach, bloating him up to immense proportions. One of the officers had a sadistic gleam in his eyes, his stern countenance belying a masochistic fetish that burgeoned as he jumped up and down on the Chinese man’s stomach. The men around him joined in, decimating the poor man’s insides as they gamboled on him like a cushion. The pellucid liquid that was water became a cloud of ruby mist, spurting out of him like those fountains you see in front of courthouses and places of high esteem. I was dragged into the carnage, instructed to do as they were doing, to channel my ‘enmity’ into that one action. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I was forced to jump. I closed my eyes, hoping that the ordeal would be over, but the gurgling embedded itself into my mind, forever indelible and unrelenting, haunting me every night since that dreaded moment. Another man was brought into the room, bounded and blindfolded whilst a woman and child were schlepped in as well. Lieutenant Kojima brandished his blade and handed it to me. I was rife with chaos, unable to articulate my fear of what was to come as his hand lay outstretched. My oath to Japan and whatever sense of humanity I had left merged into a confluence of chaos and disarray. Lieutenant Kojima barked his orders again, questioning my loyalties as a soldier and threatening my life if I was insubordinate. My hands palpitated as I accepted the saber, my head bowed down as a token of respect. I was instructed to cut my hapless victim’s limbs one by one – slowly. A circle of soldiers formed around me, avid to bear witness to the hell that was to come. I started with the man’s feet and slashed his toes one by one, trying my best to tune out the wails and cheers of ecstasy all around me, going on to the shins, the knees, the thighs, the stomach, the arms, the chest… The floor turned geranium, oozing through the cracks and dents in the tiles as puddles of blood formed. The screams were muffled by jeers from the people around me. With every laceration I carved out from his flesh the atmosphere grew a thousand times more exhilarating for my comrades, and I grew a million times more hysterical with myself. The woman and her child, presumed to be my victim’s family, shrilled in utter consternation, begging for us to stop. His yelps only catalysed their suffering, the blood flowing from his veins destroying their already waning resolve to be released of their pain. By the time the man atrophied into a bloody carcass the woman and her child were laconic, unable to speak or whisper, obviously so overcome with mental torture that their minds had shut down completely – human vegetables. The exuberance displayed by Lieutenant Kojima and his men for their deaths turned my soul black. Staring at my blood-soaked hands, I could not help but weep for my sins against humanity. My whole body enervated into putty and for the first time in my life I saw my soul metamorphosed into a monster. What was once full of life and effervescency quickly degenerated into a dark abyss of hate, grief and despair. No amount of repentance could save me, no amount of forgiveness could keep me from the travail that I placed upon myself. I spent the rest of the afternoon in my tent, replaying the massacre that I had unleashed earlier this morning. Only 16 years of age and I had become a killer. My act of atrocity remained as vivid as if I had committed it just five minutes ago, down to the most miniscule of detail. My eyes welled up in more tears as I kept telling myself that what I did was for the glory of the empire. What was it that Lieutenant Kojima used to say? “The Chinese are unworthy of life. It is only apt that we end it for them!” The havoc inside me grew more turbulent, unable to differentiate wrong from right, unable to separate obligation from conscience. Memories of my initial conscription into the Japanese Armed Forces resurfaced as I sat there lying prostrate on the bunk, alone with my thoughts – again. Everything I stood for – honour, courage, glory… All of which were just the types of propaganda that they filled into the minds of young military hopefuls, hopefuls like me. My irreverence for the old ways became more apparent after that. Whenever I bowed my mien was painted with frowns, my pupils burned with a rancour that seemed like it lasted forever. This might be the last entry I will ever make in this diary, for I plan to desert this centre of malevolence. It matters not where I go or what becomes of me, so long as I am free from the tyranny that has possessed my kinsmen, exonerated from the damnation that brought about the Empire’s “glory”. As such I leave tonight.

Jin Han 8:49 PM

arggghhh!!!themes and issues in the bm literature component are so screwed up...seriously...most of it is total bullshit...heck..i don't even understand the themes!!!!so frustrating that you can't find a decent literature reference book on the market at all...which makes things rather difficult and inconvenient..not to mention the first paper tomorrow is bm2...heh...better get back to studying..still have one and a half more books to go through...gahh...

Jin Han 6:41 PM

ff7 advent children is coming out soon whoohoo!!! oooh sephiroth looks so cool... more images

Jin Han 11:18 AM

Saturday, September 03, 2005

study study study..that's basically the curriculum of the day...bah..sometimes i find it positively bothersome...anyway i plan to finish up on my chemistry by tonight and continue revising on sejarah because i tend to forget on occassion if i don't provide some revitalisation...and i finally got a log book!!it's in english so maybe i can use it next year or something if i'm taking something that has to do with z-tables and such...lol...a lot of my books mysteriously vanished because i have not touched them for well...a long time...and i just realised that my history reference books are completely untouched and in mint condition...amazing...later i have add maths tuition so i don't need to worry too much about my maths subjects..whoohoo!! kekeke i think everyone's feeling the stress...most of the time we're stressing more about trials than the real exam...we're all worried that we won't be able to meet the criteria required to get into college...which technically is only 5 credits but in our minds it happens to be...straight A's?LoL...sometimes i know that it's pointless but i go ahead and stress myself anyway...kiasuler all of us...must always blame our origins aka chinese primary schools...nasty nasty!!

Jin Han 3:41 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to! What's Your Ideal Relationship? wow..please don't take it too seriously hehe...

Jin Han 9:27 PM

dislikes

Being apart from my sayang. Seeing animals get tortured. Seeing people get hurt. Losing what's important to me. Sluggish internet connections. Bittergourds and zombies.

Links

Caleb Chongshen Darell Jac Kee Kathleen/Kelvin Krystle Li En Li Ying Mei Xin Nico Pin Pin Shu Ling Sze May Yan Chyi Zcui Open links in secondary window

archives

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Credits

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