| Thursday, October 20, 2005 |
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Time after time I feel like I am getting more reclusive than before,choosing to keep to myself instead of reaching out to people.Some people think I am complex and difficult to read because of my adamance to open up.A lot of people have no idea what goes on in my head,which makes it all the more difficult to talk to them because of their limited knowledge of my life.Am I really becoming more introverted?I hardly talk to anyone on msn anymore and my social life?...What social life?Everywhere I see people moving on and pushing forward,getting stronger as they jump over life's hurdles effortlessly.If they can do it,why can't I?I feel really left behind and suddenly I become what you call a loser,dork,geek...Then again who has the prerogative to define someone as a geek/dork? I made a rather stupid comment today.One of my friends was not moving on even though his crush already has a boyfriend and I said that was stupid and unrealistic.Naturally it seemed right at the time but when I thought about it I would be stupid and unrealistic as well.Who am I to criticise people when I clearly have the same or similar problems as them?Realistic people most likely will not or try not to be too infatuated by a person.If that were so,how iridescent would their lives be?I keep telling everyone that I'm fine,there's nothing wrong with me,but I don't feel fine.I don't feel happy.I feel discontent with what I have.I feel like I am losing a part of me as time goes by.Sure,keeping myself busy for the time being has helped to a certain extent but after I start to relax I am back to square one.I feel like such an idiot because I've become such a helpless fool.What is worse than that is my inability to articulate how I really feel.Man,I have issues... |
| Jin Han 11:27 PM |
| Wednesday, October 19, 2005 |
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Is it rude to talk about someone to someone else when the person you are talking about is right in front of you?Do people not find that annoying,maybe even bordering on infuriating?I have no idea why but I do find this very frustrating.I mean,why should you talk about me when I am right in front of you?If you ARE going to amuse yourself by discussing topics concerning myself could you not be more discreet about it?Maybe you were being frank or something but the least you could have done was to keep your voices a few decibels lower because I could hear you loud and clear.Yeah,maybe you were not insulting me or anything but a comment IS a comment after all.If you meant it as a joke or something sure,I could have taken it well.Hell,I might even laugh with you but you were dead serious when you were dicussing it... I admit that I am rather sensitive about what people perceive of me but really,why do I feel like the bad guy?You talk about me right under my nose albeit loudly enough for me to hear and you say that I am defensive because all I said was "Why would I bother that I am less prone to opening up?"?Why should I entertain you by letting you get off telling me what I am and am not?There is something to call that...hmm...what is it...Oh yes,COMMON COURTESY!!Yes,that would be the term.COMMON COURTESY!!You talk about me as if I was not there and you even call me defensive??It sounds like you were trying to draw me out into the open and shoot me dead on the forehead.Congratulations butthead,you DID IT!!My opinion of you has changed quite a bit here and there sometimes and I have to admit,in some instances you displayed qualities I did not find very endearing,but now that it has reached that level,I doubt it is ever going to change again.Maybe I am being unreasonable,but put yourself in my shoes,look me in the eye and say that you would not find it in the least bit discomforting. |
| Jin Han 12:04 AM |
| Wednesday, October 12, 2005 |
| hello my dear blog!have not found the time to type anything,or more to the point have not the found the time to think about what to write about.anyway,there is nothing much going on right now...aside from the fact that i have loads of work to do...a ton of lit. hw and i am double timing it in history,trying to balance out the 3 science subjects and have some time to myself..now i know i won't be able to relax at all until after the blasted exam..oh well...going to go now... |
| Jin Han 12:16 AM |
| Saturday, October 08, 2005 |
yesterday i left for gym in a hurry because i dozed off for a short while,only had about 5 minutes to change and pack my stuff so i just grabbed what i thought was my exercise shirt from the clothes pile.tuition went along rather fine and everything and soon it was time for gym..so i went into the changing room and took out my shirt and lo and behold..turns out i didn't take my shirt but something else...... ......what the heck man???ROFL! didn't exercise that time because i also felt really tired,no idea why..anywho..nothing much happened aside from that rather hilarious incident... |
| Jin Han 11:11 PM |
| Thursday, October 06, 2005 |
my dear cat gave me a parting gift yesterday for feeding him...thank you kitty!bloody feline.... what did i do to deserve this man?  my friend had nothing to do.thus began her crusade to mark her territory with graffiti |
| Jin Han 11:19 PM |
| Wednesday, October 05, 2005 |
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emotionally i think i am going through a rather rough patch..getting a bit unstable of late as i find myself growing more temperamental as the days go by and believe me,it is not a good thing when almost every little thing seems to frustrate me for no apparent reason.now more than ever i feel as if there is a huge weight being put on my shoulders,the expectations of many to excel as well as my own.doing well in english lit.and GCE O-Level English is already burden enough for me,but people still expect the best from me and well,i just do not want to let them down.in a world where pressure becomes an advent,what do we look to for respite?what do we find solace in? personally for me i have absolutely no idea what i find most comforting.maybe i am taking too many things for granted.i am fortunate enough to be in a financially stable family,to live under a roof,to have food on my plate,to have a nice,comfortable home to come back to...what more could a person want?whenever i tell myself this a question pops up.."isn't there more?"..it probably is quite improper to feel like this,so how do i avert myself from thinking about it?how do i feel content and satisfied?why do i still feel like there is something missing?now that is definitely something i should delve deeper into because seriously,it can eat a person up... after all these months of pressure and concentration on exams i still have not fully gotten over her...at all!it is like that has been shoved aside whilst the exams whizz past me and it all resumed once again.sometimes it gets quite annoying,others it just makes me feel quite melancholy.you start to wonder why a simple crush could actually hang around for lord knows how long.how profound this impacts my life is still inconclusive but i am sure with time it will reveal itself to me...i hope... |
| Jin Han 11:02 PM |
| Sunday, October 02, 2005 |
ngeehaahahaha feast your eyes on the molten chocolate from chilli's!!!be jealous all of you ngeehahahahaha!! does this not look heavenly to you?  talk about sinful pleasure... |
| Jin Han 3:17 PM |
| profile |
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Jin loves brownies, cookies and cake. Jin has never been anywhere further than Australia. Jin could never stop being a sadistic, sarcastic meanie. Jin is also the opposite of everything said one line up when the need arises. Jin would rather have a desktop rather than a laptop. Jin has an obsessive, compulsive need to ramble, blabber and regurgitate all manner of nonsense. Jin hates being ignored by the people he loves. Jin hates being alone most of the time. Jin hates reflecting about his actions. It's taxing. Jin has a habit of thinking too much. Jin often doesn't see the glass as half-empty or half-full.He just sees the glass. To some, Jin is weird; to others, Jin is even weirder. Jin wants nothing more than to be happy. Rich would be a big plus though. Jin is pretty tired of referring himself in the third person's perspective. |
| dislikes |
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Being apart from my sayang. Seeing animals get tortured. Seeing people get hurt. Losing what's important to me. Sluggish internet connections. Bittergourds and zombies. |
| Links |
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Caleb Chongshen Darell Jac Kee Kathleen/Kelvin Krystle Li En Li Ying Mei Xin Nico Pin Pin Shu Ling Sze May Yan Chyi Zcui |
| Credits |
| This layout was originally created by undyinglove-haha, later modified by Yours Truly. Other credits go to X X and X Works best on   |