| Monday, December 19, 2005 |
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My trip to China was quite eventful - lots of places to go, people to see. I had the opportunity to witness how vile the citizens of China are. There are smokers everywhere whether it is in the hotel, on the streets, in the shops or any other sanitary place you could find. There is enough saliva on the streets of Shanghai to fill a dam. The sound of gurgling followed by a spit becomes a banal melody heard all over the lands of China. People push and shove all the time, not saying a simple "excuse me" or "sorry" as they try to squeeze between the large crowds that litter the streets. Common courtesy, it seems, only shows itself in shops where you are the consumer and they are the distributors. I am disgusted. I am disgusted by the way they act, the behaviours they exhibit, the rudeness they express so vividly... Apart from the fact that I did not want to go to China very much did not make things any easier. Everyone went to China because they wanted something from there, be it shopping for clothes, shoes or cheap pirated products, but not me. I did not want anything from China and every time my parents asked me something which I did not know in Mandarin, I would feel like I have let them down. As they kept asking I felt worse and worse because every question came with an expectation to know the answer. And when I could not answer them, I was met with the insecure desire to jump into a dumpster and hide for the rest of the trip. Nothing seemed right and I was in extremely foul moods most of the time, lost in my own world of distress and frustration. At this moment in time I am feeling a lot of rage within myself. I was asked by a good friend to attend a motivation course of sorts and I promised I could go with him. Unfortunately, my mother, as expected, showed her disapproval and was rather adamant on taking me there, which was Sunway Pyramid. She said that it was a waste of time. I respected her decision, but inside I knew that even if she was right, what was so different from staying at home and watching television? Would that not be a waste of time as well? What about sitting in front of the computer and playing trivial online games like Ragnarok Online or Gunbound? What about getting on the bed and sleeping the day away? What exactly did she consider a good use of time? I had to break my promise to my friend, which obviously made him very disappointed, thereby making me even more depressed than before. The phrase "waste of time" keeps ringing in my ears and I seem to getting more and more upset with myself as the day wears on. I feel really bad because I could not keep a promise, and I feel even worse because I have all this pent up rage for my family. I am the estranged one in the family, the only one who is different, the only one who is not in sync with the harmony that is a happy family. I fear the passing of years will only make this incompatibility all the more obvious... |
| Jin Han 6:41 PM |
| profile |
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Jin loves brownies, cookies and cake. Jin has never been anywhere further than Australia. Jin could never stop being a sadistic, sarcastic meanie. Jin is also the opposite of everything said one line up when the need arises. Jin would rather have a desktop rather than a laptop. Jin has an obsessive, compulsive need to ramble, blabber and regurgitate all manner of nonsense. Jin hates being ignored by the people he loves. Jin hates being alone most of the time. Jin hates reflecting about his actions. It's taxing. Jin has a habit of thinking too much. Jin often doesn't see the glass as half-empty or half-full.He just sees the glass. To some, Jin is weird; to others, Jin is even weirder. Jin wants nothing more than to be happy. Rich would be a big plus though. Jin is pretty tired of referring himself in the third person's perspective. |
| dislikes |
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Being apart from my sayang. Seeing animals get tortured. Seeing people get hurt. Losing what's important to me. Sluggish internet connections. Bittergourds and zombies. |
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