| Friday, May 27, 2005 |
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today was a really horrible day...i could not wake up in time but managed to get to school at an acceptable 7.10am...i was not feeling very enthusiastic on going to school because i knew something depressing was bound to happen...sure enough it did...i got back some of my exam results...i did horribly in every one...i know it is not trials or the real exam but those results really deflated my self-confidence...almost everyone beat me in at least one subject...i felt depressed the whole day...so i spent the rest of the maths period reading Our Daily Journey and reflecting on the destination points given...after that i cheered up a bit...but then i was struck down by more upsetting news of more exam results...just could not bear it...i was not only depressed because of my sudden deppreciation in academic quality but because i felt sad for her as well...urges to talk to her again were met by fear of getting smacked in the face...and i contemplated my life more and more...apparently i do not have a very close circly of friends...in fact,it feels like i do not have any friends at all...whenever i need someone to talk to they are never there...when i do not feel like conversing they start to tease and instigate me to the point of anger...sometimes i really wonder why i even call them friends...i have not talked about this to anyone of late...i think it is taking a toll on my psyche...inferiority complex is setting in and even praying or talking to God cannot redeem myself from the pit i have fallen into...there are times when i just feel like breaking down into tears and just cry a bit...i do not think crying is a reserved for girls only thing...everyone should cry..but i cannot cry...no matter how depressed i get i cannot cry...articulating my feelings and emotions seem difficult as well because in the end people who notice will not console me but try being "realistic"...they would probably say.."hey..there are bigger things than you and i...look at the bigger picture here..."something like that...i know all that crap...but do you think that is ever enough to make someone feel better?definitely not!it only serves as a pitiful excuse not to listen to one's problems...there is no one i can talk to about this...i am really tired of trying to be happy and cheerful almost all the time because it just is not what i feel...i do not feel elation,i feel depression,i do not think optimistically,i think pessimistically...it is just difficult to find a good friend nowadays...when you tell someone something you deem personal strangely it will come up in a conversation be it between you and someone else or amongst other people...almost everyone has a close friend or two or someone who is willing to listen...but to be perfectly candid,there is none for me...i am depressed,lonely and my foundations are slowly crumbling down... |
| Jin Han 12:14 AM |
| profile |
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Jin loves brownies, cookies and cake. Jin has never been anywhere further than Australia. Jin could never stop being a sadistic, sarcastic meanie. Jin is also the opposite of everything said one line up when the need arises. Jin would rather have a desktop rather than a laptop. Jin has an obsessive, compulsive need to ramble, blabber and regurgitate all manner of nonsense. Jin hates being ignored by the people he loves. Jin hates being alone most of the time. Jin hates reflecting about his actions. It's taxing. Jin has a habit of thinking too much. Jin often doesn't see the glass as half-empty or half-full.He just sees the glass. To some, Jin is weird; to others, Jin is even weirder. Jin wants nothing more than to be happy. Rich would be a big plus though. Jin is pretty tired of referring himself in the third person's perspective. |
| dislikes |
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Being apart from my sayang. Seeing animals get tortured. Seeing people get hurt. Losing what's important to me. Sluggish internet connections. Bittergourds and zombies. |
| Links |
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Caleb Chongshen Darell Jac Kee Kathleen/Kelvin Krystle Li En Li Ying Mei Xin Nico Pin Pin Shu Ling Sze May Yan Chyi Zcui |
| Credits |
| This layout was originally created by undyinglove-haha, later modified by Yours Truly. Other credits go to X X and X Works best on   |